Wedding Day, Halloween
MY WEDDING DAY AT THE NYC HALLOWEEN PARADE 2011!!!
The Initiation
Wearing our unique finery, we paraded two by two into the Redemptorist’s Chapel of ancient marble, stained class and creaky pews. We received our libation, dedication and even sang a chorus or two in song; our heartfelt response to hearing God’s still small voice.
Finally, our leader took center stage. Pews creaked as we settled in for the guided meditation.
“Close your eyes”, she asked, in her practiced voice, “and place your consciousness in your personal safe place.” I was immediately transported to a very familiar place, but boy was I surprised! I was with my inner child! Many years ago in therapy I constructed this place to play with the little boy inside me. This bamboo grove usually contains a dry river bed, but today it was flowing clear fast water! My little boy came running up but stopped abruptly. He didn’t seem to recognize me so well. I looked at myself. My black clothes were swirling galaxies of infinite space. I motioned him to climb aboard for a piggy back ride! He took a running leap, but instead of landing on my back, he entered the swirling galaxies of my Being.
“Find your unique, sacred place.” The outer voice of our guide instructed. “Is it a mountain top? A temple? Or maybe it’s a fire lit cave!” My galaxy suit and I were immediately transported to a Pagan Circle of stone with a red baked clay floor and a great disk of fire in the center. I wanted to take some time and memorize the symbols, many of which I did not recognize. Totally absorbed in the reverie of my surroundings, I heard the announcement to place myself at the very center of the circle. The disk of fire was replaced with me and my galaxy suit.
Our guide continued.“Seven Beings of light join you around the circle.” I didn’t recognize all of them, but I did recognize the outlines of a few. Hats are a dead giveaway; hats and crowns. I was washed in gold light, turning me liquid gold; infused with silver light, I was fluid mercury; then in a white light bath, I was a moving translucent marble. Purified!
“One of the Beings steps forward to join you in the circle.” The Light Being across from me leapt from her place and into the air. She hovered in front of me as her robes of white light billowed behind her. I was in the presence of great Love and Wisdom. “This Being has a gift for you.” A large white swan fluttered out of the Light Being’s person. The bird was hyper real and seemed to struggle a bit in this new environment. It reared its long neck and let out a “HONK!” It quickly turned, looking directly down at me. It was a long look, because the huge swan spread its wings and dove into me and my galaxy suit. I was frightened for a just a moment, as I was filled with elation and goose bumps (swan bumps?) erupted all over me. “The Being of Light whispers a name in your ear.” I felt Her come closer and heard her say quietly my name.”
“Attis Satyre Marsayas.” She said. And no sooner than she had said it, the other Light Beings repeated “ATTIS” in a loud unified whisper. And blinked out. I was standing in my galaxy suit in the middle of the circle. Then I was back in my pew. Initiated and blissed out!
Learning to Control Anger, Insecurity, and Self-Righteousness
Reflections on The Ten Challenges, Chapter 3: “Learning to Control Anger, Insecurity, and Self-Righteousness”
“Every loving thought is true. Everything else is an appeal for healing and help, regardless of the form it takes.” ACIM T12.3.2
“Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain.” Is how, as a child, I heard this verse from Exodus. I thought it was a very clear way of instructing the faithful to use the Lord’s name only in worship and never anywhere else. Swearing was bad enough, but to put the Lord’s name in the phrase was a particularly grievous act. As I’ve matured in my understanding of spiritual truths, I see the subtler ways in which this commandment is a touchstone for many practices. My understanding of the third commandment has evolved to be one definition of authenticity. To attribute divine aspects to the false and illusory is to be avoided.
Leonard Felder in The Ten Challenges goes over several ways in which this truth has been interpreted and I’ll touch on several and add one to the mix. I believe that there are a few words that comprehensively summarize this missive. The third commandment in my view is request to be authentic in all your actions and live with integrity. The Latin origins of the word authentic arrive from the notion of authorship. For something to be authentic, the author must be known. The word integrity comes from the meaning of undivided or whole. In this understanding I would illuminate the commandment as recognition of who I am and to live in the oneness of that understanding. The author in this case is God and my relationship as a part of that wholeness should inform all that I do and all that I endeavor. The challenge that Mr. Felder attempts to illuminate is to live from our very nature as a child of God.
One of the most common attribute to integrity, and the one that Mr. Felder begins chapter three with, is the notion of keeping one’s word. Why would I need to swear an oath to a deity of any sort if what I said was good? This is one step removed from the understanding regarding prohibiting specific speech. I know that when I feel the need to defend myself then I’ve found a place, an idea, in myself that I’m not so sure of. A place that I’m insecure about that I need to swear on in order to convince another that I’m honest or that I’ll keep my word.
Not taking the name of God in vain speaks directly to the indulgence in Self Righteous acts. The subsets of this sort behavior are hurtful words, taking advantage of others and praying in a thoughtless ways. Using God’s name to take advantage of someone is a very old practice. Religious authority has used the name of God in vain and still does. Every commercial business that attempts to associate itself with a religious or spiritual practice is suspect of using the name of God in vain.
It’s not been in business where I have had my own challenges with this practice. It has been in how I have used speech and how I have used spiritual understanding. I have used the name of God to judge and condemn others as it has been used to judge and condemn me. None of this condemnation between brothers has any ultimate truth, but I know that it does support the suffering of me and others. Right speech is how the Buddhist would characterize this commandment, I believe.
When I remember the Source of who I am; When I remember who created me; When I remember the wholeness that I am I have authentic responses to my experiences. I can operate with integrity if I operate from wholeness and remember who created me. I am an authentic creation of God after all. Remembering is the key for me; And not to take myself too seriously.
Discovering the Still Small Voice Within
Reflection on The Ten Callenges, Chapter 1: “Discovering the Still Small Voice Within”
“The part that is listening to the Voice for God is calm, always at rest and
wholly certain. It is really the only part there is. The other part is a wild
illusion, frantic and distraught, but without reality of any kind.” From ACIM Lesson 49
I was thirteen and the new kid at Kempsville Junior High School. A bully was taunting me after French I class, attracting a crowd and blocking my way. My heart leaped into my throat and I my arms began to shake the stack of school books I carried on my hip. “Just walk away.” A voice in my head advised in a firm and loving voice. I did just that because the voice was so sure of what would happen. I understood that I would be fine if I didn’t fight. The bully screamed and screamed and others joined in, but I walked away safely to my other classes.
One thing I often find myself telling others is to “Trust the voice that likes you.” I know that I listen to the voice that puts me down and has nothing but problems sometimes, but more and more I’m listening to the voice that likes me. This voice has amazing powers to calm me immediately. I feel that I have a relationship with this voice. The voice is genderless, but for me has a distinctive feminine quality. I’ve heard others describe it as their grandmother’s voice, which speaks to me of the wise unconditional love and acceptance that I also experience.
I continue to experience the voice for god on a regular basis. For me the voice for god is the Holy Spirit. One of my spiritual mentors is Shawn Moninger and mostly his advice to me and others is “Ask the Holy Spirit what to think!” I was in my right mind at work when an irate coworker came to me complaining about our boss and me. She was yelling and crying about what was being done to her. She said her piece and I started after her, but the Holy Spirit told me to leave her alone in no uncertain terms. I did. She later thanked me for letting her vent off the steam and trusted me.
Leonard Felder PhD rightly begins his contemplation of the Ten Commandments with the often overlooked preface. He reminded me that what I seek is the presence of God and can trust God; after all this is the One that has helped through the ‘narrow, restrictive and limiting’ places in my thinking. What I know today is that presence is always available, though sometimes overlooked or deliberately discounted by my ego. My greatest challenge has been to operate in this world with authenticity. Dr. Felder highlights my dilemma when he asks, “How do I want to conduct my life so that it’s consistent with my spiritual beliefs?” The voice for God, the still, small voice within is where I go for answers.
Mostly the Holy Spirit is telling me one of three things. She reminds me of my best interest and that we share the same goal: my awakening NOW. So I listen. She tells me to: Shut Up. Slow Down. & Smile.
Breaking Free of Unfulfilling Paths and Habits
Reflections on The Ten Challenges, Chapter 2: “Breaking Free of Unfulfilling Paths and Habits.”
“Your faith is placed in the most trivial and insane symbols; pills, money, ‘protective’ clothing, influence, prestige, being liked, knowing the “right” people, and an endless list of forms of nothingness that you endow with magical powers.” Lesson 50 ACIM
One of my teachers, Shawn Moninger, often starts his classes by asking a question. I think his favorite question is “What do you want?” If you haven’t been to one of his classes you might say something like “more money” or “a fulfilling career” or even “a loving relationship”. Shawn will quickly hone in the idols we’ve placed before God. It’s a very good way of starting a discussion about what is going to bring us the peace, security and freedom that God promises. As Shawn points out, all of these qualities of God are ever present and what we place between them and ourselves are our idols.
Dr. Felder rightly starts the second chapter off by highlighting our inherent Identify Crisis. He offers a perspective to question the basis of how an idol is formed; its basic genesis. I understand that my idols are my favorite forms of fear. These are things that I fret about and believe are keeping me from experiences I desire. My favorite forms of fear are the class system and body culture. I have an idol of the idle rich and beautiful. Dr Felder nails my feeling when he says “If you don’t want to be seduced or distracted by the things that leave you feeling empty, then you may need to find a way to quiet your anxious mind and help it return to a path that can actually bring your fulfillment.” (Felder, 1997; P. 40) A spiritual practice is the answer.
“Look not to idols, Do not seek outside yourself.” Jesus advises from ACIM in Chapter 29 section 7. The practice is key to seeing our idols. Dr. Felder starts by offering some hard questions. What is going to take to maintain your faith and focus? Do you have permission to argue with God? Where I would dismiss the second question out of hand, the first speaks directly to overcoming what I’ve placed between myself and an authentic relationship with spirit. I would paraphrase the first question as “What is in between me and my authentic life.” Where have I placed my identity outside of myself? My identity is within toward the true reality of life and not in the changing forms Buddhists would call anicca.
I do like Dr. Felder’s suggestions though. Confession is wonderful; we’re not alone. Set up a daily practice of reminders. Share one’s gift of life and awareness with others. Live with the intent of greater purpose. All of which are wonderful ways of walking a path. I think about what is motivating me, a personality or my still sweet spirit. I know that these idols are paper thin and laughable when I’m in my right mind, but that requires the above mentioned personal discipline to practice. In chapter 2 “Fear & Conflict” of ACIM is one of my favorite quotes: “You are much too tolerant of mind wandering, and are passively condoning your mind’s miscreations.” My idols are my miscreations; they don’t exist, but I believe in them.
This chapter kept my thoughts upon my own integrity and authenticity. I keep coming back to the question of what supports my awakening; what supports my goals? Making decisions based upon my true identity is what I want to do, but don’t have a perfect record in that regard. I continue to have idols of special fear that I put down only to pick up again. The Course in Miracles defines idols as limits, and I believe that to be a simple explanation of how I use them. I use them to separate myself from the peace of God and my authentic nature. “Today we seek no idols,” Lesson 200 affirms, “Peace cannot be found in them.” And when Shawn Moninger asks me what I want, I always say peace.
Trashed!
A young woman eats her breakfast on the subway platform waiting on the train. She is dressed appropriately for a day at the office; she carefully leans over the tracks to peer down the tunnel. She brings a muffin, some tea and a few white napkins out of her deli bag. The muffin is pulled apart bit by bit as she sips liberally from her tea. Finished, she stuffs the cup, muffin wrapper and dirty napkins back into her paper bag. She then tosses the crumpled lump onto the tracks and peers again for the train.
What is in the mind of person that would eat a meal in public and proceed to drop its wrapping on the street? Why does the subway have a litter problem and not the museum? Why is it that when the real estate is poor there is no compunction to find a trashcan? The answers to how and why a place is ‘trashed’ are answered if we look at the conflicts of social classes and the beliefs about the ownership of these spaces.
The Conflict Theory provides a useful perspective to begin the discussion and I believe points to the solution. Conflict theory originated with Karl Marx, (1818-1883) the German activist and philosopher. Conflict theory divides society into two basic halves, the property owning class (bourgeoisie) and the workers (proletariat). The owning classes make the rules and the working classes follow them. Put another way when a person has ownership they behave one way and when they do not have ownership they behave in another.
Those owning a place have interest in its appearance and how it is used. One needn’t actually possess the item to have this interest. One need only believe in one’s ownership, however small. When even this little bit of ownership is not seen as valuable the environment suffers. Nobody would flick a cigarette butt into a corner of their living room or throw gum on the floor of their bathroom. I think that a belief in ownership is the key to ending litter.
Can we make everyone an owner with interest in the environment? If the young woman felt in possession of the subway platform she may not have littered. Why didn’t she feel any ownership here? Because she doesn’t believe she has any influence on it. She does, but she’s likely never exercised it.
Again and again others like the Straphangers or the MTA themselves have sent out mail, made calls and passed out literature to acquire accurate public opinion. Public service announcements, posters and commercials are aimed at this person.
How can she litter? Because she believes that ownership takes something from her.
We can continue to go down this path of ownership, but what we’re ultimately left with is changing minds about what influence they possess. We live, work, and pays taxes for these services. This young woman is influential, but she doesn’t believe it.
Most of us are familiar with the Broken Window Theory from Malcolm Gladwell’s bestselling book The Tipping Point in which he links increases in crime to the environment in which they occur. When enough graffiti and litter are present it can create a tipping point where a person who didn’t usually litter is willing to break the law. This theory only works when we’re speaking about areas where economically disadvantaged citizens congregate.
What must happen to create a tipping point in which littering is unthinkable? Wall Street has arguably more devastating crime, but there are no graffiti sprayed halls and litter strewn corners. There are no broken windows to fix, graffiti to remove or even much litter to pick up. The proletariat of the financial district of New York City is very proud of this fact.
Pride, I would argue, is a characteristic of ownership. Our subway woman is not proud of her place, literally and metaphorically. What can we fix for this gal to get the biggest impact? Litter is a social problem that can be understood when we look at the conflict of social status and the value placed on the immediate physical environment of the persons who inhabit that environment. When ownership can be felt as shared, and this sharing has influence and value, change occurs rapidly.
Can we value public places that have different inherent and incomparable functions equally? When everyone has esteem in their neighborhoods and public places there will be no trash to sully their enjoyment. But littering and its impact on one’s own neighborhood is where this idea must begin and can be most effectively taught.
If we are to address the problem on litter as a whole we must continue to expand our gaze. We start with our own broken windows. We begin in our backyards. This enlightened gaze of ownership of one’s surroundings soon takes over our public spaces and eventually our national regions and even our planet. The place we occupy in society according to Karl Marx’s analysis will like determine if we ever get out of our own backyards.
The Great Garbage Patch is a swirling sea of debris comprised mostly of plastic litter. The litter came from boats that dumped their trash directly into the ocean, but also rivers that brought the trash to the sea. There is no life in the Pacific Gyre and there is currently no effort underway by any government to deal with this swirling heap of a trillion tiny acts of misbehavior.
The tipping point here is the same as the woman on our subway platform tossing her breakfast bag into a corner. Can we make the evolutionary jump and turn Karl Marx’s philosophy on its proverbial head? Can we evolve from the proletariat to the owning class of the bourgeoisie? Our ocean must be seen as belonging to all of us and it must become our responsibility and fall under our collective care as much as our parks and front lawns. We will get out and pick up the trash and garbage that accumulates on our patch of grass, but want someone else to pick up our parks and our filter our oceans.
The tipping point will come when each of sees our own behavior as contributing to this vortex of trash. The oceans are our back yards and can be seen as our gardens at least as much as our farms are.
Where is that tipping point?
I believe that there are several areas ripe for changing this dilemma. I believe education about what exactly litter is and what costs it brings to a community are crucial. Most of us know that plastic takes a very long time to decompose yet do not think twice about not recycling a soda bottle. Here in New York, when you buy a soda bottle, you pay an extra five cents to clean it up. These bottles can be gathered up and sold to recycling centers. Many of the homeless in our community are the largest recyclers.
Styrofoam is still manufactured when we know that it takes over a million years to degrade. Most of the searchable studies show that the average person who litters is male, between 16 and 24 and smokes. This should be a population that can be reached. If we can tip this fellow we’ll have a way of doing real damage to landfills. Smoking rates are continuing to go down. Education was the key to turning youth tobacco use around. So there is hope that littering will reach a similar tipping point.
Every morning I grab a plastic bag from under the sink and walk to the subway. I don’t always pick anything up, but I have the means to. I can be seen on the platforms of the New York Subways picking up after my fellow straphangers because I believe that is the best response to what I now know. I throw away the trash and I recycle what I can. Sometimes people will actually offer to put their trash in my bag. Sometimes they will help; it’s usually a child making a game of picking up after adults. Sometimes I am thanked or complimented; it’s usually an old woman.
I’m not going to wait for anyone else to lend a hand at tipping this issue. I’m doing my part to approach the tipping point.
This issue is fraught with paradox. On one hand we must all be seen as owners of this planet and all our individual environments for sustainable change to happen. For this ownership to occur we must educate those that feel the least ownership, young people especially post puberty and pre-adult males. Teach the young that they own more of the earth than we do. When that is exactly the opposite of what it looks like.
We must act like the proletariat, working for the good of all, while believing we are the bourgeoisie, so we can behave as good stewards. We live on one planet and it contains enough food and shelter for millions more than currently occupy it if we can learn to live and teach these paradoxes.
A young woman ate her breakfast on the subway platform waiting for the train. When she finished her muffin she wiped away the crumbs with her handkerchief. She replaced the lid on her thermos cup and put it in her tote. She leaned out over the tracks to see if she could see the train coming. When there was no train she pulled a book from her tote and read in the pleasant space until the subway arrived.
A Joker’s World !
The editors at the Economist wrote The New Terrorism: Coming Soon to a City Near You in 1998. He offers for sale a story about Nihilism and New Terrorism. Nihilism has basically two points. The first is that you do not like what I like the same way I like it, so we can’t get that close to an understanding. The second part is: So I can kill you. How many people do you know like this? This sounds to me like Hannibal Lector. It sounds like the definition of a sociopath. The New Terrorist is the Joker!
I do not believe we are breeding more sociopaths. I do think the United States is being itself rather nihilistic when it predicts its own doom. We are not the likely target of the next terrorist attack. Most attacks happen in places the government does NOTHING to stop it. So in a way all terrorism is government sponsored, directly or indirectly.
I am not going to live in a world that I have to worry about the right wing zealots of another country coming to get us because we neglected to keep our right wing religious zealots out of white house for 40 years. I not saying we asked for it, but we did allow it. But it is late for the kettle calling the pot black.
The next generation of terrorists will wake up in a world that has few recruits. Nihilism is best left to comic books where it is most attractive. Feel the pull of mortality all you like. It is no reason to kill others. Even the article waxes nostalgically for the P.L.O. and the Red Brigade.
Ten years later the world is so different. I think we’ve crossed over something.
Market Damage
According to Kornblum & Julian in their essay Problems of Work and the Economy the free market created capitalism and that gave birth to corporations and they’ve grown so large that they cause unemployment. If we are to believe Kornblum & Julian these multi-national corporations cause three basic types of unemployment; The Intermittently and Chronically Unemployed, the Frictional Unemployed and Permanent Displacement, and the “Invisible” Unemployed and the “Discouraged” Worker.
Kornblum & Julian also tell us in their essay that the unemployed feel isolated, friendless, incompetent and worthless. We learn this from studies of workers in Detroit in the late 60’s and from white collar engineers in the mid 70’s. Kornblum & Julian offer no solution to lessen any social or psychological damage caused by unemployment. They conclude the essay noting that people die at work.
I don’t share very much in common with Kornblum & Julian. I do not believe the free market or capitalism caused unemployment. What is capitalism? Most agree it’s the private ownership of resources, like wood, knowledge or sweat, and a market to sell them (and it’s been around longer than anyone can document). We understand that this implies that the most useful resources will sell at the highest price in the marketplace.
Not true.
The most desirable resource is sold at the highest price. That is why we have the type of capitalism we do. We tend to blame the system itself when it’s us that do the valuing.
So what do companies have to do with it?
The laws of the land favor soulless corporations. We have given them rights and spend money to persuade our lawmakers to favor them and their survival because we value what they provide. Many of these corporations provide us with very little practical use (would we need an FDA if this were not so?). They do provide us with ways of competing against each other for value. Our laws support this way of constructing and maintaining this type of marketplace.
Is this where you want to do business?
When the market places greed and difference at the center there will be those left out. We must have unemployed, poor, uneducated, minority, fill-in-the-blank, OTHERS to help us feel better. After all, how can we be worth anything if we’re not worth more than somebody? Half of what makes anything a luxury is that somebody else doesn’t have it, right? That’s what irresponsible corporations do; feed our worst instincts, not support our best.
What would a healthy marketplace look like?
This is where solutions come along. This is the place where social and psychological damage can be addressed. I believe that if we value the potential of individuals and not their limited purchase power or their perceived market share. This market place would value fulfillment and education. I think this marketplace would look more like the social business models that are being explored by Harvard and others.
Solving problems to our needs is the highest good. I am working for myself. I am working for solutions. This is the marketplace I want. We can change the market because we can change ourselves.
leave a comment